A Broken Silence

!سادگی از نوع مریمش

2008-05-14T12:03:00.003-04:00

بیشتر از آنچه فکرش را می کردم ساده ام
از آن مدل ساده هایی
..که می بیند
..که می فهمد

..که می داند
!ولی باز این دل صاحب مرده اش نمی خواهد باور کند
..مهم نیست
بگذاز رنج بکشد
..بگذار بسوزد

!!...تا بلکه کمی آدم شود

2008-05-02T13:26:00.000-04:00

I believe it's time to come back...

P.S. Life's been hard.

Look who's back!! RUN!!! :D

2007-01-08T23:46:00.000-05:00

Well, after trying to go back to blogging in persian and not succeeding , I decided to come back.
-Right now I'm enjoying my break.How?? hmmm let's say by babysitting. Who? hmmm let's say my new baby sister :D. Shocked? hmmm let's say nothing.
-First semester of college went pretty well.It was fun, challenging, and enjoyable. Let's hope the years to come go as well as this one ;).
- I really don't know what to talk about/ write. I was going to play the yalda game, but then I think there's not much to know about me?!
- I think I'll stop for now :D

Later...

sociology, cockroaches, humans...?!?!

2006-09-26T15:15:00.000-04:00

11:30 A.M, Sociology Class

A cockroach, not the ones found in Iran but the small fragile ones, is running around the professor’s desk as he is talking about Weber’s “Spirit of Capitalism”. I’m listening to him and writing down notes as my eyes follow him around the room, until they catch the cockroach running around trying to find an escape from the endless maze he was trapped in. It is then that I lose my concentration and try to follow the roach around and see what he is going to do. Now who would stare at a cockroach during sociology class?!?! Well, it appears I’m not the only one, the girl to my left is also looking at him and giggling. Now I try to jump back into the professor’s lecture, but it seems the cockroach’s endless search for a way out is more interesting than the professor’s lecture on how puritans' beliefs relate to capitalism. The roach disappears behind the desk and I try to catch up with the lecture. Few minutes pass, the roach comes back still searching. However, this time he is accompanied by a smaller roach! Both looking for an escape, but are too dumb to crawl down the desk instead of going around it. Then the professor’s eye catches them, he also loses concentration then throws one of the roaches off the desk freeing him from the maze. The other one hides behind the desk hiding from his chance of getting freed, and continues to make the same mistakes over and over again. I am too tired to follow the other one...

Do some of us need to be pushed off our wrong paths to stop committing the same mistakes again and again? Is there a sociology professor for each one of us out there so he could throw us back to where we should be?

P.s. This post was not edited or proofread.

Bye

2006-08-28T22:38:00.000-04:00

Due to various reasons and until later notice this blog won't be updated.

Bye

almost there

2006-07-21T22:52:00.000-04:00

Hey people!
Sup? :D
Well lets see I know I’ve been too lazy to update these months. I don’t know why, but as soon as I find a cool template and maybe some free time I’ll update more regularly.

The weather’s really nasty here, and way too hot. I’m spending my summer by studying (che dokhtare khoobi, tabestoonam dars mikhoone :D ). The class is going well, not that bad, but the students are the dumbest one I’ve seen. I mean they don’t know that in the ordered pair of (2,3) 2 is x and 3 is y. They can’t solve the simplest equations! I get bored sometimes from the silly questions they ask. Like how big is the moon?!?!?! I don’t know how that relates to the class. (keep in mind most of them are 4,5 years older than me!). The teacher’s kind of crazy. He sometimes start singing for no reason, kind of freaky. That’s about it I guess.
One good news!! I got my driver’s license finally!!! :D :D, lol. I was so happy. But that day was hell for me. I had the test at 3 but the car was going to pick me up at 12:15. My class finished at 11:15, and the bus came 30 min late! I had to run to the driving school and tell them to call the guy and tell him to wait. I ran as fast I could and got home around 12:30. It was crazy. The weather was soo hot! My face turned red, which happens very rarely. But at the end it all paid off.
Let’s see what else… yeah really want to talk about this whole mid east issue but it’ll make me just more angry, but one thing is for sure people should practice what they preach. ( I think I’ve made my point.) It’s sad…
Give a visit to this site: From Israel To Lebanon
That’s it for now I guess

2006-07-08T13:32:00.000-04:00

Well…I think I should start updating regularly before I change my mind.
I’ve been really busy since the last time I updated. I had:

- National Honor Society Installation
- Senior Awards Night (got two awards :D)
- College Orientation
- Final projects
- Senior BBQ day (FUN)
- Graduation!!
Yup, I’m now done with school. It’s sort of sad. It passed real quickly. I feel I need to spend more time in school, like I’m not prepared for college. But I know I’ll be able to handle it.
College orientation went pretty well. We had other college students helping us chose our classes. They seemed pretty friendly at that moment, but then at lunch time I randomly sat where they were sitting and overheard their conversation. They were making fun of us freshmen, and how nervous and unsure we were on the classes we wanted to chose. Oh well, it’s not like they were perfect when they first started college.
Anyway, since then I wanted to update but I kept forgetting. I had a lot to say about a lot of stuff. I decided to change some stuff about my blog, not going to say what, but I think it’ll be fun. Just wait and see… :D
And umm if any of you know where I can find some fun blog templates tell me.
Right now I’m taking a math course in college. All the students are like 25 and above so it’s a little freaky, but it’s all well.
All right, I took this with permission from Negar :D lol so here you go : ( I think these are fun to answer )

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster? Only once, and I regret it so much.
3. When’s the last time you’ve been sledding? Hmm.. I believe when I was in Geneva, about 10,9 years ago.
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? Umm alone, duh!
5. Do you believe in ghosts? It depends. They obviously do exist but we don’t have the ability to see them.
6. Do you consider yourself creative? Not at all.
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Who cares??
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Jolie.
9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? No, I hate politics.
10. Do you know how to play poker? Na, astaghforellah in harfa chie!! : ))
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? Yeah, every time I get on a plane.
12. What’s your favorite commercial? I don’t know, I never thought about it.
13. Who was your first love?Love or crush or grown-up love? Be to che? Mage foozooli? :D
14. If you’re driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through a red light? Hmm.. it depends on my mood,lol.
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? Yes.
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Don’t like baseball.
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Nope, but I roller blade on a daily basis.
18. How often do you remember your dreams? I still remember some of my dreams in first grade. Freaky?!?
19. What’s the one thing on your mind? When will this finish!
20. Do you always wear your seat belt? When I’m in the front seat.
21. What talent do you wish you had? I wish I could swim, and forget why I’m so scared of it.
22. Do you like sushi? Nope.
23. What do you wear to bed? Obviously something comfy.
24. Do you truly hate anyone? Not really, or not yet.
25. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be? I’ve already met a lot of them.
26. Do you know anyone in jail? No.
27. What food do you find disgusting? A lot, especially the ones with spinach and squash.
28. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Yes.
29. Have you ever been punched in the face? No.
30. Do you believe in angels and demons? don’t know.

And here's a little something from graduation,stole it from a friend :D:

coming soon...

2006-07-05T22:55:00.000-04:00

I've been REALLY busy these days, had a lot to say but not enough time to write.
Anyway, there's like no reader left so it doesn't really matter.
But I'll be back soon...

Migan in donya dige mesle ghadima nemishe, Dele in adama zeshte dige ziba nemishe...

2006-05-28T12:37:00.000-04:00

-It was last week that my government teacher came up to me and said, “Yeah I saw a report from Iran on ABC news yesterday, and it was pretty interesting. They were interviewing ordinary people from a market place and they all said that they liked us!” So yeah he continues talking and I would say yes we are just like any other people around the world but have been the victims of the media. Anyway we talk a bit more and he says, “And I like how you have all different types of people, like white people with colored eyes and colored hairs.” This was my facial expression à /:) :O! I said of course we’re normal people like anywhere else and he is like “Yeah, you’re not as crazy as they show you are.” And I was like WOW! Nice.
- I don’t really have school anymore. It’s either partying or watching a movie. Then for finals I only have projects, so I’m basically done.
- I’ve been working on a painting for the past month maybe even more, and still not finished with it. It’s for our multicultural art show, and we were supposed to work with partners but I chose not to because I knew I’ll end up doing all the work myself. Therefore, I decided to work alone. Then we have the choice of wearing cultural attire and participate in a competition. I’m still not sure if I should wear mine. I told my friend who’s Jewish Iranian that I do have a couple of them at home, and she was like “what?? You’re going to wear chador!” Uh! Sometimes people get on my nerves you know. Of course I’m not going to wear chador. Where the hell have you seen chador as our cultural clothing??It was a bit of a shock since, she was born and raised in Iran and it's been only 5 years that she's moved to the U.S. Anyway, I’m sill thinking.
- On Friday I saw Over the Hedge! LOVED it. I was very funny and the characters were the cutest animals alive specially the squirrel. They also had a Persian cat in it, and the guy who was saying his part was Persian. It was funny because in one part the cat actually said “boro baba”. Yup, you should definitely see it. I still haven’t seen The Da Vinci Code, but will soon. Now a days everywhere you look at least three people out of ten are reading the book.
- Yes! I finally found my Fereidoon Forooghi cassette. I was cleaning my room, since it was turned into a battle ground because of the AP exams, and as I was fixing everything I found it in a box! I think he is an awesome singer. I don’t know how many of you have seen the video they made after his death, but it was amazing. I felt really bad since he never got permission to sing, but Farhad did. Forooghi only got the permission of a concert in Kish and that’s like after so many years of work and trying. He thought that it was a break through and he’d soon be able to sing, but no. He then died shortly after the concert. One thing I really like about him is that he never left Iran, because he loved it so much. He even has a song about it called “khak”. Even though he had the opportunity but he wanted to work in his country for his country. Anyway, I recommend you to listen to his songs, all of them are nice :D.
- I was going to say something and I told myself to remember but I forgot! Uhh…
- I think that’s about it for now…

Later…

back..from...

2006-05-11T17:37:00.000-04:00

I'm basically done with school! I had my A.P. government exam on Tuesday. It was pretty easy. I wish I hadn't been so sick the day before the exam and had the chance to study a bit more, then I would've definitely scored a 5. Anyway, it is over and that's all that matters :D. I've been really bored since Tuesday since I basically have nothing to do. I don't know why they can't let us go by the end of May instead of June. I CAN'T WAIT!! :D, lool.
Oh, yeah! Yesterday I just found out that I put the wrong date on my A.P answer sheet. Instead of 5/9/06 I wrote 4/9/06! I hope it won't cause any problems.

Ok, what I really wanted to say in this post was what happened in my government class today. Our teacher had to record a 30 min. lesson to send to Albany for his permanent license. So he said he'll be talking about Middle East and human rights. But when we went to class today the lesson was about the conflict between Palestine and Israel, and I see no connection between that topic and A.P. U.S Government. Anyway, so the class started and he showed us a slide show that he had made all were pro-Israel, he couldn't possibly have anything pro-Palestine because of the Jewish majority of our class. But that's not what it mattered. What mattered was the unfair information he had. These are the exact notes from the slide show:

What is home?

Israel: homeland, Promised Land.
Palestine: unrecognized, area/country?

What is going on?

-fighting over land
-who does it belong to?
-war(s)
-terrorism/trouble
-Hamas->won Parliament seats
-Ariel Sharon-> coma
-Arafat->Fatah,dead
-UN/US support

(At this time we were discussing that who funds them and helps them and one of the kids suddenly shouted out "Iran's dictator helps them". You can imagine the expression on my face. I hadn't said anything till that point since I hadn't enough information and fact to support my claims and was the only Muslim there. I usually don't engage in discussions that I have not enough support. Anyway, but that moment I had to say something even though the teacher was recording it. So I said Iran doesn't have a dictator! And he was like well yeah but the president said that Israel should be wiped off the map. The teacher caught me off before I could have answered him back. I don't think his reason was enough. And then the teacher kept looking at me and seeing how my reaction was. Of course I was mad! As much as I don’t agree with some of the claims made, but I won't let someone talk like that about my country.:D Ok I think I should stop.)

Whose land is it?
-Israel
-Palestine
-Jews
-Christians
-Muslims
-Secular groups

-Biblical claim
-based on religious traditions
-Historic
-other claims

(Over here the students started to talk about the fact and claims and basically concluded that it was Israel based on all the previous claims. I felt really bad because I couldn't say anything. I should start reading and educating myself because I know what's waiting for me in college.)

Then he gave us some pictures from when the Israelites were moving out of the Palestinian territory and we had to choose a caption and come up with a story for them. After that he showed us the real story behind each picture. The last slide was:

What's the solution?
-Existence of one state. (Almost everyone agreed with this.)
- Coexistence. (No one agreed with this, but I think it's possible if other nations would leave both sides alone and let them decide for themselves. I know it's not as easy as it sounds but I believe it's possible.)

Who's the winner?
Who's the loser?

Those were the last questions made. Ok, I posted this just to show what went on the class today. Meaning I didn’t put this here to create a political discussion, but comments are welcomed.

I think I should get to my painting :D. It's coming out pretty good( bezanam be takhte,lol).

P.S I didn’t proof read this post, not that I do for other posts, so sorry for any mistakes.
All right, bye.

back!

2006-04-30T22:44:00.000-04:00

Yeah I'm back! And you thought I left the good old blogging sphere?!haha well I've left a lot of "good old" things but not blogging. Once you step into this world, and if you are a true blogger, then it's hard to leave especially after 4 years.
Oh well...:D. I've been having the time of my life these past few days, when I should be studying for my A.P Government exam which is in a week. I've been laughing so much these days that I'm beginning to think that I've been given some kind of drug or something. Like I actually feel high! :)) haha.Anyway yesterday was March for Peace and Anti-war march in New York. Two of my friends and I attended the march. We were part of an organization called CASMII, campaign against sanctions or military intervention on Iran, they also hold conferences and give speeches in different places in N.Y. and other parts of the world. There were other groups such as: environmentalists, feminists, immigrants, veterans, anti-war activists, and etc. The impressive and at the same time sad thing I noticed was that, the group supporting Palestine were all Jewish and few Palestinians were there. Also another sad thing was the very small number of Muslims that attended the event. There were maybe 30, 40 Iranians in our group the rest were Americans. It was pretty big and a lot of people came. Parents with kids of 3 or 4 years, teaching their kids about peace and justice at a young age. It was amazing. I actually felt useful for once.

Yeah, and people tell me that these kind of protests won't get us anywhere and is pathetic but we have this Persian saying," ghatre ghatre jam gardad,vangahi darya shavad."There will be a difference even if it's very small. Plus there's no harm in participating and supporting the idea. It's better than sitting home and rant about the issue.The experience was amazing. I met very concerned people and once again was convinced that you still can find people who really care and can be called "humans". We also had some funny accidents during the march. We met an Iranian guy who was an actor, director, and writer. He wasn't part of the march though. He saw us holding signs of Iran and came to us from the other side of the street and started to talk to us with a cute Farsi accent. Then when the march was finished and we got to the festival and were looking at the different tables, we saw two Muslims from Pakistan holding up the flag and some signs. Then when they saw us they asked:" Iran? Iran?" and we're like yes so they started cheering for Iran. THEN one of them was like" khanoom googoosh??" with a Paki accent and that's when my friends and I started laughing, lool.
On the way back was the most fun, we made this woman angry because she was selling a scarf for 12$ when we got the SAME for 2$ so she started getting all angry, lol. Yeah had a great time, and met great people...

P.S. I just have to say how stupid the new law in NYC schools is, I mean the whole cell phone issue. I'm for the metal detectors but not for the cell phones. I think it's stupid. I feel so empty without it.
Here are some pictures. I forgot to take my camera so I took it with my cell phone.

this is my favorite

sad and scary at the same time

sailing away...

2006-04-22T12:31:00.000-04:00

Harfi nazanim ke deli beshkanad,

Kari nakonim ke negahi khis shavad,

Va nagooyim ke taghdir chenin bood.

last word:

We all should try seeing the world and situations through eyes of others from time to time, just incase we won't hurt them. Trust me we won't lose anything.

Bye...

hmmm...

2006-04-19T13:02:00.000-04:00

Well…I think I should've updated sooner…
I don't know why these days I don't feel like doing anything even playing piano. I guess senioritis is getting the best of me (this is how you say it right? Oh well…who cares??). Right now I'm listening to Lachini's Golden Autumn, it's a beautiful piece. I just counted and 6 days have been passed from my spring break, and I've done nothing useful except cleaning my closet :D, which took about two days to be exact, haha. The rest I've been either at home doing nothing or hanging outside.

Friday I went to Razi's international day, it was worse than last year's. They had the food in the lunch room, and you can imagine how hectic the situation was in there. I almost fainted while searching for sambosas, yes that's one of my many addictions. Then me and Parisa just ran out finished our food and went to the mall. It wasn't bad, but I was way too tired to buy anything. Well there is another reason to why I didn’t buy anything too. Since I've started working, I haven't touched my salary. I don't know why but it seems hard to waste the money you've earned with your own hands because as we say it " ghadresho midooni".

Then on Sunday, since the weather was beautiful we went outside and had some kabab in the back yard. Here are some pics :D. I luckily found the little coke bottle, that made it feel like Iran more.

Anyway now it's Wednesday and I haven't done anything special yet except working on my senior research paper which is about Hamlet as a tragedy. I have to finish reading the sources and make an annotated bibliography for each one. AND THEN there's the A.P exam coming… ukh…I better go before I start nagging.

Hopefully next time I update I'll write something useful.

...tired...

2006-03-31T21:51:00.000-05:00

I am...
a little bit of loneliness
a little bit of disregard
I am...
pieces of a broken promise
tears of a broken heart
I am...
the silence of a shadow
the cry of a mourner
I am...
the scar of a forgotten vow
the unheard voice of a listener
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how it started, or when. I don't know where it will go or when it will end.
All I know is that it's hard to go on like this ,and .......
Let's hope for the best...( that is if there's even a best in it)
I'm not feeling allright these days, very confused, very tired, but not lonely because I've learned to live with memories.
But I guess it's not of a big help. It's actually not a smart choice to live with memories,or maybe it is, because it just makes you feel worse and long for those happy moments, those laughters, those jokes, and etc. Someone told me once that I should make myself the same color as loneliness, then I wouldn't be scared of it.(dk if he was right but whatever...)
Ukh...You know what? People are all like that even the best ones. I really wish that we all could be more like humans than like people.
P.S. I wanna change my blog's music, any suggestions?
P.S.2 This pretty much sums up everything, don't you all think so?

....for now....

To blog or not to blog...!

2006-03-26T12:32:00.000-05:00

Happy belated New Year to all my fellow Persians :D,lol.
Some random stuff/nags:
- Norooz wasn’t that great this year, it was “all right”.
- Bored like me and need some entertainment? Listen to this stupid corny song by Black Cats and see how unoriginal Iranians can get. (The song’s called Joone khodet )
- I think Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly With His Song”, is by far the best song I’ve ever heard.
- I don’t really have anything to say but I just feel I should say something! lol
- I’ve been diagnosed with senioritis.
- I’ve been forbidden to drink coke, coffee, and to eat pizza, chocolate. Basically anything that’ll mess up my stomach.
- Did I mention that my piano teacher threatened to sell me in an auction if I didn’t build the right chords?! :D( of course she was joking)
- Um… lemme see….
- Have you ever asked someone where they live and they’d given you the whole direction to their house? Or basically they wouldn’t shut up?
- I HATE liars, two faced people, and show offs!
- I love surprises, adventures, and anything that’s unexpected.
- I just found out that I’m a pretty good artist:D.
- I started this post since 3 P.M. and now it’s 12 A.M. and I’ve said nothing but a bunch of you know what.
- I’m becoming way too lazy, and beginning to stay up late.(?!?!)
- I wish I could bleach my mind and get rid of the memories.
- Yesterday was awesome :D .
- So yesterday at work I got three students who came in the middle of the year to the Persian School. Now I have to help them and push them where their class is now. Trust me it’s hard to teach alphabet to kids!! Specially when they tend to learn everything as in word painting not the rule behind! Ukh! Lol. But it’s fun I get to boss them around :D!
- So…yeah…I’m cooking today!(Khoda be door!!!! Emrooz hame goshne mimoonan!!!:D)
- I’ve ran out of thoughts….
- Ok, I’ll try to post something good next time,not that my posts are usually good, but it’s worth trying you know!

Ok, I’m out.

I'm back!

2006-03-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

Right now I’m enjoying my shrimp lomain (or however you spell it), and updating (duh!).
Well so much has happened that I don’t know where to begin…
- Went to Albany on Friday and Saturday for We The People State competition. We didn’t make it to the nationals but we still won a best unit prize, which wasn’t bad since it was our first time making it to states. (well our school had gone to state before but this was the first time with Mr. Lam our A.P. Gov’t teacher.) Anyway, the trip was much more interesting than the competition itself, except the food. We left Friday morning and got there for lunch. I first order some shrimp with rice, but after finding out that the sauce on it had orange and garlic mixed together I threw it out and got me some good old french fries while hoping I’d have a good descent dinner.( I’m warning you don’t ever go for that kind of shrimp! It was disgusting!!) So after having a tour of the senate, and the assembly we went to the hotel and got ready for dinner. You have to keep this in mind: I was very hungry and needed food ASAP. I was almost sure they would have fish or at least vegetarian food for dinner. But, cheshmetoon rooze bad nabine, my hopes all crashed down when I found out that there was no fish and the only vegetarian food was chili!! I mean hello!! I’m Persian and I cannot have ONLY chili for dinner, and the doctor had forbidden any spicy food for me. So you can imagine the whole drama I had to go through. But miraculously I made it through that night. After dinner we practiced a little more for our speech and then went around the hotel and found a grand piano!:D Now that was a miracle because I really needed to play some piano to feel calmer and less nervous. So I played some of Beethoven’s Fur Elise and half of Love Story. The next day we had the competition and then headed back for New York City around 2. It was a joy coming back to a “Living city”.lol
- Sunday was Shajarian’s concert. It was awesome! I loved it, even more than Shahram Nazeri’s.
- Are you guys ready for Norooz? Have you started cleaning?( I know I’m not. I haven’t bought my eid clothes and haven’t started cleaning. Do you think it’s too late??)
- How joyful is to get your report card on Norooz?!?! No joy in that.
- I haven’t been to any “chaharshanbe soori” celebration since I was in fifth grade. That is 7 years ago,damn I’m getting old!! I was talking about it with one of my Iranian Jewish friends who’s in my art class. The result was : faghat dele khodemoono bishtar ab endakhtim! I still wish we could jump over the fire and sing: zardie man az to, sorkhie to az man ( Thanks for the correction Negar ;).)
- Wait, I’m thinking…
- Oh! The answer for the question I asked in my last post, which no one answered is : memories. I was discussing it with Negar last night and she made a pretty good conclusion that not being able to let go of memories is because you can’t let go of yourself and not being able to let go of memories will stop you from letting go of people.( ok I think I’m confusing myself here che berese be shoma.) Here’s what she said : the reason you can't let go of people is that you can't let go of their memories. and the reason you can't go of their memories is that you can't let go of you. And then she completed it saying : in fact you CAN let go of memories and people...it's the part of you that cherishes those memories, and cares for those people, that you don't want to let go of. (well it was pretty clear to me, or in other words it enlightened me. Don’t know if it will have the same effect on you guys.)
- And for the ending :
bi hozoore chatre dastanat bebin yaghoobvar// mandeam emshab dobare zire barane delam

~~~

goftam maro ke tire shod zendeganiam, ba raftanat be khake siah mineshaniam

gofti zamin majale residan nemidahad,bar cheshme bad forsate didan nemidahad

...and so it happened...

The End

P.S. sry don’t have farsi font on this comp. :D

Later.

Letting go...

2006-02-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

It hit me every morning the minute I woke up, the lost. But now it has become a part of me now, just as the scar had or the torn wallpaper. They used to bother me, because they were the first thing one’s eye would see when he or she woke up. They all have become part of their surroundings. They were destined to be so.

....
Have you noticed that somehow you have to eventually let go of everything in this world in order to move on, but there’s one thing that won’t let go of you. Can you guess what it is?(I’ll let you know what it is later.)

…
- I’ve taken my second college course for this semester. It’s called Public Speaking or Oral Communication. LOL. Yeah, well my English teacher recommended to me, because he thought I was very shy. Anyway, it’s a very fun class. I love it! It is better than the English 101 class I took last semester. :D
- I had a performance on Saturday. It went pretty well, better than last year. This time I didn’t mess up and didn’t play the wrong notes. However, my piano has been messed up again. The screen isn’t coming up! I really hope it’s a temporary thing, and not like last time.( I had to change it.)
- Monday I took my first driving lesson!! :D Fun! Fun! Well, since I’m too short for an 18 year old, the teacher had to put two pillows on the seat so I could see where I was going. Thank God, I didn’t injure anybody, lol! Besides me driving in a zigzag pattern, and braking too hard, the rest was perfectly fine :D .
- I’m off this week. Didn’t do anything special, except going to a party and having guests over lol.

- Oh! I almost forgot. Yesterday there was this commercial in one of the Iranian channels: Proudly Presenting The First 13 Year old Iranian Singer. ( Is that something we should be proud of?!)

I don’t have anything else to write, so… later?!

Whenever you feel lonely...

2006-02-12T22:24:00.000-05:00

Whenever you feel lonely….
Whenever you feel you are alone, know that you are not, because I'll be there for you.
Whenever you need a shoulder to cry on, you can have mine.
Whenever you need someone to just listen to you, you can have my ears.
Whenever you lost your way, you can have my eyes to lead you.
Whenever you didn’t have a word to say, you can have my lips to talk.
Whenever you got scared, I’ll be your strength and braveness.
Whenever you fall, I'll catch you.
Whenever you're sad, I'll do something to cheer you up.
Wherever you are and whatever you do, know that I'll be always here for you.

I wish I was five again...

2006-01-30T15:08:00.000-05:00

I wish I was five again, because...
…everything seemed like a dream.
…reality didn’t exist.
…I would put on a different nail polish on each finger and feel like a princess.
…I would run to my parents’ room each time I heard a lightning or had a nightmare.
…I would wear my mom’s clothes and wished I would grow up fast so they would fit me, but now that they do…
I wish I was five again to…
…feel the joy of that “fairy land”, that “purity”, that “innocence”.
____________________________________________________________________

- This week was just great, had lots of fun!
- Saw “Kheili Door, Kheili Nazdik”, “So Far, So Close”. It was a great movie! LOVED it.
- Went to laser tagging on Saturday. It was fun except the waiting part.
- Trying to get used to this new life. It’s fun but hard.
- Got to forget some stuff. Only let “the memories remain and move on to the next stage”.
- You must listen to the trance version of Beethoven’s 5th symphony. It’s just so awesome!!
- Let me think…
- Oh! Yeah I thought this phrase that someone told me was just too great to ignore:
“Doostaye ma sarmayeand na sargarmi.”

Don’t you agree?

I feel alive!

2006-01-24T13:16:00.000-05:00

Today I feel fresh. My spring has started a bit earlier this year.
I want to go on top of a cliff and shout “I’m happy today!” so the whole world would hear it.
I feel destiny’s given me another chance, but a better one this time.
I can feel the blood rushing through my veins.
I can feel the fresh air in my lungs. It feels different.
I can feel the sunrays touching my face gently and telling me it’s a new day.
I can finally dance like no one’s watching.
I can laugh as much and as loud as I want, without fearing someone might hear me.
I can be happy today, tomorrow,…, and forever.
Today …
I can play “Elaheye Naz” without crying, but rather with happiness.
I can smile today, not a fake and forced one, but a smile that’s coming from within.
I can sing the highest notes without fearing I’ll embarrass myself.
I can go outside and run around barefoot without caring what people would say.

Today…I can be me, I can be Maryam, and I can be happy.
Today…I’m starting fresh.
Today I feel alive!! Oh yes I do!!!

Do you have the courage?

2006-01-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

“……”
“You should end it…””Don’t care…”
“No you can’t ignore it…”
“Leave them…”
“They don’t care,so why do you…”
“No that’s not true! It can’t be true…”
“Why me?...”
“What if….?”
“Why??..”

It’s them, the stampede of thoughts. They are back, just as they promised they would. They won’t leave you alone, those manipulative thoughts of despair, and you are forever bound to their enticement. It’s up to you, will you give in? Or are you brave enough to fight them back? Are you going to listen to the voice that’s telling you, “Aren’t you going to pick it up again? The scar’s been gone too long.”
You’ve been cursed by them. The thoughts won’t leave you unless either they’ve killed you or you’ve killed them. They’ve said they’ll be always there somewhere in the shadows, hiding, and coming out to hunt you when you’re in your loneliest moments. You want them gone, I know you do, but the solution lies in your hand only. No one else has the power, maybe the support which fades away time to time, but not the power to destroy. The power lies in your own hand. But the question is do you have the courage? Or are you so used to them that if they disappear you’ll miss them?
The stampede’s finished, but the damage is done, and they’ll be back again unless you’ve found your way out of this maze.
….
…
..
.
The solution lies in your hands, do you have the courage?

....

2006-01-09T21:34:00.000-05:00

Well,well….yeah I’ve been gone for a while, and busy. BUT I’m back with good news :D!!
I was doing my statistics project, a very boring subject, and then I reached a point I couldn’t continue anymore. I decided to update.
As I mentioned before, the past two weeks were two busy weeks. My holiday vacation was filled with doctor and MRI appointments. They couldn’t find my vein so they basically putted the needle in my hand about four times , AND THEN made it move around inside my hand, which wasn’t a good feeling, but it’s over. Thank God I have to go through this only once in two years otherwise my hands would be full of holes by now :D.
Anyway after those appointments I hanged out with Parisa for a day. We saw Memoirs of a Geisha. Well I didn’t like it that much, but did like the main idea of it. The only thing that stayed in my mind was this quote,” We should not long for things that aren’t meant for us.” Yeah, and I should mention that I spilled my coke allover the seats :D. It was probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done in my whole entire life, but whatever. It’s always fun to hang out with Parisa :D.
Then this week I had to prepare for a competition that we had for our A.P. Government and Politics class. It’s called the We the People competition. It’s basically a mock trial, or better a fake Congressional Hearing. Each group was assigned a unit to work on at the beginning of the year, and each unit had three questions, that we had to write a speech about. I wrote the speech for the second question which was about governments with constitution and constitutional government, and how they protect natural rights. Then on Saturday Jan. 7th we had to wake up at 5:30, you can imagine how annoyed I was, and go to the train station at 6:30, meet with the rest of the class and go to Pace University where the competition was taking place.
Anyway let me make this short. We went there and were the last unit to present our speech. Az shance khoobe ma ham, the question that I had worked on was picked. You won’t imagine how nervous I was at the moment. We had the scariest and toughest judges. First they took an hour to get to our group, and then they gave us the longest comment ever, and GUESS WHAT?! They all picked on me! Just because I spoke in a low voice. However, they said we had great ideas, so that was good.
That day was over at around 2. I got home at 3 changed and rushed to work :D.
My friends and I were completely hopeless and were 100% sure that we didn’t win. But guess what! We’re going to STATES BABY!meaning the next round :D(that’s how my teacher gave the news to us). We didn’t win 1st place, but we’re going to states competition. Our teacher was acting all grumpy today so we all thought we lost. Then he started to comment on how we did, but of course none of us was interested. We wanted to know if we had won or not!! So he was like,” fine, you want the bad news first or the good news?”
Class:” the bad news.”
Our teacher:” those of you who threw out your speeches after the competition, were complete idiots because we’re going to the states baby!!!!”
And when he said that you can imagine what was going on in our class. We made so much noise that the security came to check on us,lol. And I shouted so loud that my throat hurt for the rest of the day. Well, it was worth the effort. Our next competition is in Albany on March 4th.
All right people, like usual this wasn’t really my post. I was going to talk about other stuff but whatever… it’s a habit now.

Take care
Out….

Have you ever gone mad?

2005-12-25T19:36:00.000-05:00

Have you ever…

Have you ever felt like the loneliest person on earth?
Have you ever felt like shouting your heart out?
Have you ever wanted to take a break from this world? Stop the time, take a deep breath and start everything fresh?
Have you ever felt that you just couldn't go on anymore?
Have you ever dreamt of a friend and woke up just to find that your pillow's wet and your eyes are red?
Have you ever wished it was the end of the world?
Have you ever died in your dream?
Have you ever cried to sleep?
Have you ever been afraid of losing the only person who has listened to what you had to say and had offered his hand to help you?
Have you ever found yourself in an endless maze of confusion?
Have you ever been tired of who you are?
Have you ever missed someone beyond imagination?
Have you ever hated yourself?
Has your heart ever been shattered into a thousand pieces and just when you were collecting and recovering the last pieces one of them cuts through your hand, your almost recovered heart falls, and it breaks again?
Have you ever gone mad?

____________________________________________________________________

This Life's Hard...

2005-12-08T18:00:00.000-05:00

Well the title has nothing to do with the post. It's what I heard an old woman telling her grandson, while I was trying to tie my shoe laces. Then I looked up and smiled at the old woman, and got a smile back…

Anyway…
This week started out great and continued to be great until yesterday. I probably did one of the stupidest things in my life, but then I need to let go of it otherwise it'll ruin this whole month for me. It wasn't that of a big deal anyways. It was like one of those times that you do something and then you ask yourself," What the hell were you thinking???"
Anyway, in my A.P Gov't class there's a poster that says," In life there's no make-up exam, so choose wisely." And I've learned it the hard way…

Hala bikhial, let's talk about the happy things.
Do you guys remember Mohammad's post about the world turning to you even when you've turned your back on it? Yeah, well something like that happened to me.
Sunday 12/4/05:
Woke up all grumpy, and started to work on my senior thesis paper. I had to meet up with my friends for a speech that we had to present the next day. I went to the meeting, as usual the first one there, and found out that two of my friends couldn't make it. Because of that we ended our meeting earlier than we had planned.
I walked home, and when my dad opened the door he said," eh chera enghadr zood oomadi??"
Me:" karemoon zood tamoom shod."
Then I go change and, as usual, sit at the computer, sign into my aim and see one of my friends online. We start talking for I'm not sure how long but I think about 2,3 hours. While talking I'm like wow nobody's telling me to get off the computer, this is a miracle….:D
…Khob saretoono dard nayaram, let me make this short.
At around 5 I got very tired. I wanted to get out of the room that my sister stopped me and asked me some math question. I tried solving it for her but my brain was too busy I told her to let me take a break and then I'll come and solve it for her. Yup, despite all her effort to keep me inside I went out of the room and guess what I saw?! I saw my dad decorating the living room!! I'm like Oh!!:O Then I go inside the kitchen see my mom baking a chocolate cake, another Oh!! :D
Yup, they had arranged a surprise family birthday party for me.:D I was so happy that night you can't even imagine. It was just awesome!
Anyway the happiness continued as I kept getting phone calls from my cousins, aunts, and uncles from Iran, wishing me a happy birthday.
After all I really didn’t have to do anything special for my birthday, because happiness was just here. It was me who couldn't see it.(che cherto pertiaee man daram sareham mikonama!!)

One thing I've learned is that if every single person turns your back on you and forgets about you, your family's the one who'll always remember you and keep a warm place for you in their hearts.

P.S.I won't be updating or around for a while. I need to take some time off from this place. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone but it won't be more than a month.
So, I wish you all a happy and healthy new year in advance.

Take care
Bye

I miss them...

2005-11-24T23:41:00.000-05:00

It's all started on feb. 2000.
A friendship that has lasted ever since.
Even though we're apart, our hearts are always together.
"Memories are eternal."

From the "persian gang", only Parisa and I are left.
We still talk and hangout,but not too often...
Life's a wierd concept...

miss you all....

Random

2005-11-13T19:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I stole this from one of my friends' myspace :D. It may sound really corny and childish, but I think it's cool. You get to tell people stuff about yourself, but on the otherhand not telling them really.
Random things about me:
I miss somebody right now.
I love sleeping.
I am at the computer 24/7.
I believe faith and honesty are the keys to happiness.
I don't curse unless people have crossed their limits.
I've changed a lot over the last year.
I have many hobbies.
Not that smart.
I have secrets, that can't reveal!!! lol
I HATE rainy days, make me lazier than I already am.
I HATEEEEEE!!! liars and two faced people.
(this is going to be funny, I don't know why she put it in her blog but whatever!)
I have fresh breath in the morning, that is I actually brush my teeth every morning!LOL
I spend 60% of my allowence on potato chips, Arizona Iced Tea, m&ms, coffee, and basically food!
I have one smaller sister.
I was born outside the U.S.
(Ok the next one is going to be ignored, I won't write it.)
I confess that I have lied in the past, but they weren't lies that would "hurt" anybody.
I have A LOT of mood swings.
I hate talking on the phone.
I love talking to my buddy.
I play an instrument.
I'm a good dancer.lol(totally random)
I live in jeans.
I can't go on without gum!
I love window shopping.
I don't hate anyone.I dislike them, but when I do you'll wish you weren't born!(khoda oon roozo nayare)
I have a cell phone.(lol this was corny)
I believe in God.
I can't live without music and my piano.
*********************************************(:D)
I have rejected about 3,4 people before.
I don't have a crush on anyone.?!?!(how corny is that?!)
I love little kids under the age of 3!
I have a lot to learn.
I used to be very shy around people, but I think I'm becoming better.
I am online 24/7.
I used to have about 10 away messages saved on AIM.
I have, and am, avoided school assignments to update my blog and talk to my friend.
I'm happy as of this moment.
I've gotten lost in my own city.
I have been to other countries besides U.S. and Iran.
I had a serious surgery.
Have never gone out in the public with my pajamas.
I've hugged a stranger.
I've laughed so hard that I banged my head onto the wall.
I haven't tried pushing all the buttons in an elevator.(but my friend did!)
I have gotten stitches.
I have bitten someone.
(ok the next three are just really corny so I'll skip them!)
I have forged my mom's signature.:-S
I've been in love.(?!?!)

Ok, I guess that's it for now.
Thanks for those of you who gave me suggestions, I'll let you know what I'm going to do when I find out.
P.S. Was this the corniest post ever?!
Out

You gotta live the moment baby!! Oh Yeah!

2005-11-05T23:18:00.000-05:00

Yes! He was right when he said you got to live the moment and enjoy the present.
I took his advice and chilled the whole day Friday. In the morning we went to the mosque for the Eid prayer, and from there the gang and I went to the city. We were about 8 girls, and didn’t have any idea of what we'll do there. We just wanted to hang out!
Anyway after taking the Queens bound train instead of the Manhattan bound train and finding out at the last stop, we arrived at downtown Manhattan, Battery Park. We then walked near the sea to a mall, had some French fries too :D. Then we called every person we knew to help us find a nearby halal restaurant, but we weren’t lucky enough. We eventually got food from one of these food stands where they serve halal meat, khoda midoone ke raste ya chakhan, but anyway we were HUNGRY!!

We ate the food by the sea :D, which drew a lot of birdies' attention. Yeah we did a lot of crazy stuff along the way, and the pictures that I'll post up later on will explain. After that we went to these street shows where a few African guys where performing, and then my sister and I headed home since I had a concert to go the same night. Over all it was awesome. We laughed and talked a lot, which drew a lot of attention. (Yes! Hejabies can have fun too!! LOLOL) That was about it.

Oh yeah! I'll be legal in exactly a month from today, meaning going to be 18 years old :D( hint hint!!!) Anyway I want to celebrate it with some of my friends so I was wondering if any of you guys have some sort of a suggestion on how I should spend it. I want to do something that can be done in a day, and inside New York.
All suggestions are welcomed and if you happen to be in NY around that time and are one of my bloggist friend you're welcome to join!

P.S sorry if the post was kind of crappy. Didn’t have the time to work on it.

usual stuff

2005-10-28T23:25:00.000-04:00

Warning this is one of those LONG posts!! You can take your time, but not too much!;-)
____________________________________________________________________
We just finished the first marking period and all the tests, and started with the second one and all the tests. I didn’t do as well as I expected, but I did ok.
Anyway who cares?!?!
I'm not sure if it was Wednesday or Thursday, I was walking towards the bus stop from my college class that a woman stopped me and gave me a flier while mumbling something. I thought she said take this flier, and I did so. But then as I walked a few steps she called out," Miss!!..."
Me: "Yes?"
Her: "Do you want me to read your future?"
Me [while laughing in my head]:" Umm, no thanks."
Her: "You sure?..."
Me: "Yes, I'm sure!"
Her: "But I see a very bright future for you, a lot of good stuff…"
Me: "Bye Ma'am!"

And then I continued walking and thinking what the woman would tell me if I accepted her to read my future. It would've been cool, but ….

___________________________________________________________________

I've joined a couple of clubs in my school, and I'm feeling much better. Starting to make friends, and ironically 3 out of 4 of them are Jewish, very friendly and understanding. But sometimes their friendliness scares me, lol.
Well, let's go back to the club. I've joined the National Social studies Honors Society and the Cosmopolitan Club. The Cosmopolitan Club is my favorite, the purpose of the club is to break ethnic and cultural barriers and bring students together. I love the goal that they have set. We planned out some fun programs to let the students know each other better, and whenever the program is set I'll let you guys know. I don't wanna spoil the surprise. Just one thing, I LOVE it when I see people care about others, I respect those people very much.
Anyway at the meeting, the teacher who was responsible told me: you know there's food in the principal's office, and you should get some you know.
And I was like ummm what is she saying? What food???
Bad nagoo ke since she saw I wear scarf she guessed that I was a Muslim and, of course, knew that it's Ramadan so we are fasting. She explained that the principal's giving vegetarian sandwiches and foods for eftar for the students who are fasting and going home late. Well one thing it was very nice of her, as a non-Muslim, to say that, but the reason that the school was giving eftar is more interesting. She said that two years ago a girl died on her way home because she had become too weak from fasting, so from then on they serve eftar for the students who fast. Isn’t it just sad???

Today we took our senior class picture. We went to the football field and stood in a "06", for graduates of 2006, and took a picture. The feeling was awesome!

Anyway I got more stuff to say but it'll make the post way too long so I'll save it for later.
Take care ya'll

12 AM Bs!

2005-10-16T00:31:00.000-04:00

Attn: This is a 12 AM post, so don't mind it, it'll probably be deleted after a few days.

…everyday I learn or should I say discover something new about myself. Like today: I found that I'm a person that can be easily amused, AND easily hurt, but lets talk about the amused part.
I can get happy by a small smiley face sent from a friend through IMs, by a simple smile, by a simple "I care for you" look (negah), and…

(Oh great! Now I've lost track of what I was going to say...)
Well nothings coming back….
I guess what I'm trying to say is that most of the times one can be only a step away from happiness, but then there are many inconsiderate people who, despite the kindness you've shown them, would love to break your leg and stop you from taking that one step….
________________________________________________________________

Doesn't she feel comforted?(...sometimes you need that kind of shoulders,no matter from who,...)

P.S. Don't mind this post!

Iran part II

2005-10-09T11:38:00.000-04:00

I KNOW you guys probably want to kill me by now, good thing I didn’t put up my address in my profile or I'd be killed by now. Anyway really sorry for the delay, I've been really busy these days. I thought getting out of Razi and going to a public school would be equal to less work and less pressure, but I was wrong. I get a lot of work, specially reading, every day since I've taken well two AP courses and a college course after school. So yea…
Anyway let's finish the Iran story ASAP!!!

…
On the third week, my cousin, pesar ame, came back to Iran. So we basically spent the rest of the week at my dad's relatives' houses. Har rooz khoone yeki telep boodim :D. I won't forget the day we went to my dad's aunt house, dude, that day was awesome!!! All shomali foods with fish, it's a shomali thing to eat shomali khoreshts with fish, but not like big pieces of fish you got to "rish rish" it like chicken. And not any kind of fish it's usually mahi doodi or mahi shoor. And trust me it's delicious!!!YUMM especially if you have torshi and zeitoon parvarde!!!OMG I wanna go back!!! :((
Anyway yes that day was awesome lots of fun, laughing, and singing came along with it. At that day we also planned out the date for our trip to shomal, which was the following week.

…
The fourth week was awesome!! We went to shomal for four days, and boy I enjoyed those days! We rented one of these minibuses and went to shomal with all of my uncles, aunts, cousins, and grandparents. In the bus all we did was either eat or sing to the songs the driver was playing. It was so much fun!! By the time we got to the villa we were all in Lala land (asleep). Every day morning my cousins and I would go swimming, unlike the last time I went swimming this time I learned something. The last time I actually cried when the stupid teacher threw me in the 5 meter deep section. It wasn’t because I was a bache nane, it was because since 5 years old I had a very bad experience trying to learn how to swim. From then on I was scared of swimming. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. Then when we came home we ate food : D and played board games. In the afternoon we would either take a walk through the streets, which were full of Yas flowers!, or would play volleyball/badminton. On the last day we went to this "ghahve khoone", tea room, which was up on the mountains.
That night was FUN! We had the traditional shomali food, mirza ghasemi/torshe kabab/baghala ghatogh, along with the "mokhalafat", lol! It was a memorable night.
And unfortunately the day after it we headed back to Tehran.
The remaining days of the week we went to my mom's parents' house in Karaj, and stayed there for about two days. It wasn't fun because we were all alone in a huge house, and usually whenever we went there we went with the rest of the family (Uncles, aunts…). But we gave a visit to my uncle,whose letter I posted a while ago, and his little son!( Enghade googoolie!!)
Unfortunately our camera died when we got to shomal and couldn’t take any other picture.

…
The fifth and the last week, well wasn't much of fun, because I knew I was going to come back. We did our last minute shopping and said our goodbyes. The last night we spent in Tehran was also a memorable one, ALL our relatives, mom's and dad's side, came to our house, spent the night, and accompanied us to the airport. It was a fun night specially when we went to the park, dast jammi, with my cousins at 12 AM! :D

And then it came to the farewells, and …. I rather not talk about it because I'll get myself into a bad mood.

…
That was my trip to Iran, I know it was a crappy post, but I really can't write about it, because it will renew all the memories and….
Anyway be bozorgi khodetoon bebakhshid!
Here's some pictures before our camera died,sorry I can't post all the pics I took, because they are more of a family pic, so yea…

I'm out…
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Caspian sea from top of a mountain in Chaboksar

On Our way to Shomal

In one of the parks in shomal,lol

random

2005-09-22T21:51:00.000-04:00

- I'm sick! :(( Head hurts, gotcold from this girl in my health class.baba jolo dahaneto begir vaghti sorfe mikoni!! Is it that hard???
- Tomorrow I have a music test. All these wierd names are running around in my head.
- Finally got my scheduel changed!!! after what?! like two weeks!
- Although it's fun teaching little third graders,I don't know if I'll be able to work on saturday.
- I need to go shopping!
- Found out that my room and my comp. are my best friends :D.lol ( no comments!)
- Today I fell in love with this band--> H.I.M ( don't listen to them if you dislike Rock/metal music)
- We had to dig the school yard for bugs in our A.P. Environmental Science class. (I found a jumping bug!haha fun!)
- I don't understand the whole concept of the SATs!! I think they should die!!
- Man I think I nagged enough today,lol.

All right I'm out...

... ...

2005-09-20T18:52:00.000-04:00

I've reached the conclusion that Breaking the Silence is not the solution,at least not for me. The whole concept of Silence is that it should not be broken... what was I thinking?!
Yeah...

Right now I'm listening to this song of Siavash Ghomeishi:Jazireh

من همون جزیره بودم

خاکی و صمیمی و گرم

واسه عشق بازی موجه

ا قامتم یه بستر نرم

یه عزیز دردونه بودم

پیش چشم خیس موجها

یه نگین سبز خالص

روی انگشتر دريا

تا که یک روز تو رسیدی

توی قلبم پا گذاشتی

غصه های عاشقی رو

تو وجودم جا گذاشتی

زیر رگباره نگاهت

دلم انگار زیرو رو شد

برای داشتن عشقت

همه جونم آرزو شد

تا نفس کشیدی انگار

نفسم برید تو سینه

ابرو بادو دریا گفتن

حس عاشقی همینه

اومدی تو سرنوشتم

بی بهونه پا گذاشتی

اما تا قایقی اومد

از من و دلم گذشتی

رفتی با قایق عشقت

سوی روشنی فرد

امن و دل اما نشستیم

چشم به راهت لبه دریا

دیگه رو خاک وجودم نه گلی هست نه درختی

لحظه های بی تو بودن میگذره اما به سختی

دل تنها و غریبم داره این گوشه می میره

ولی حتی وقت مردن باز سراغتو میگیره

میرسه روزی که دیگه قعر دریا میشه خونت

اما تو دریای عشقت باز یه گوشهای می مونم

The song brings back memories, I wish they were sweet memories...

Wouldn't it be awsome if there was some place where you could empty out yourself and scream as much as you wanted to?!I think I would probably spent a life time in there if there existed one.

Je suis fatigue, tres tres fatigue!!!

P.S. I'll post the IRan prat II hoepfully by Saturday.

Later...

Iran part I

2005-09-11T12:20:00.000-04:00

Well, well....: D
I'm just going to begin with no introductions.(This is going to suck!I really didn’t know how to arrange it sorry!! :-s)

...
Iran was just GREAT!! Couldn't be any better. It had changed a lot, but the most visible change was the change in morals and values, which for me was kind of umm I don't know what word to use but I'll use unexpected.
...

Getting to Iran seemed such an unreachable dream for me these years. Stepping down the plane, being in my grandmother's arms, seeing tears of joys, hearing laughter, and ... was just a dream come true.
Yes, I was "happy".
All my cousins had grown, especially the little ones. :D
...

We spent the first week at my aunts house, and visiting relatives (which lasted till the day we were coming back! ;)). And YES!! I was served Iranian breakfast every morning! (noon panir &chaee shirin/noon barbari, sangak,taftoon!!)Don't be surprised, here in NY you can't find a REAL Iranian bakery. Anyway I enjoyed every meal I had.(My grandma's cooking is just awesome!ghorme sabzi, fesenjoon!!, mirza ghasemi! baghala ghatogh/don't be surprised she's shomaly.)….
Beghole maroof ye deli az aza darovordim: D.
...
Kholase joonam baratoon begam ke...oops sorry…

Yeah as I was saying, the first week was spent mostly at my grandparents' houses. Slept on the roof top (poshte boom) after ages! :D fun fun! Well two funny things happened on that first week.
When we went to visit my dad's parents, we also went to look around at some of the shops. They were nice and well colorful, and well different from the last time I saw them. A lot of things had changed specially the way people dress and DRIVE! OMG I was SHOCKED! My dad got into a fight that day with a taxi driver who was almost going to hit us while we were crossing the street when the pedestrian light was green!! Well, it was a funny scene. The other day my mom got into a quarrel with one of these "barbies" who threw her can of soda on the floor of the subway station. Now that was FUNNY!! lol. But I truly feel sorry for some of my fellow Iranians who want to become like Americans, but they don't even obey the most primary rules of a civilized society.

Anyway almost my days in Iran was spent by going to relatives' houses, not washing dishes, having fun, staying up till 1 and sometimes 2 A.M, and going to parks almost every day with my crazy cousins! Hahaha! One day my sister, dokhtar daee, and I went to the park at 8 A.M and started playing like little kids. A couple of old ladies were taking a walk and they were looking at us like we were some kind of weirdoes! lol! Well maybe we actually were! But who cares?!? I needed to have FUN!!

…
The second week was spent somewhat like the first week. We went to see "Charlatan" with my cousin. Well, it was kind of corny but had some funny parts. My sister and I would laugh out loud where everyone was laughing quietly. We looked like some kind of "dehaties". There if something goes on fashion every single person does it. For example the way they dress, especially the shoes they wear. I really hate this. They won't count you as a human being if you do not act, dress, and talk like them. This is a very sad fact, and I don't think it's "Western" at all.
Anyway the rest of the week was spent on shopping and visiting relatives. Well actually my whole vacation was spent like that. We were most of the time on the road trying to get from one part of the city to another part. I begged my parents to let me walk instead of taking a cab. I swear I was scared to death when riding those cars. I would say "doa" every time I stepped into one.
Yeah…
So towards the end of the week we went to a little trip to Mashad. It was a lot of fun since my cousins were with us! (I couldn’t go anywhere without them :D)!
We stayed there for like three days, and went to the "Haram", Bazaar, and a park called "Koohe Sangi". Yes, it was a lot fun. But there were a lot of Arabs there. I mean I hadn’t seen Mashad so full of Arabs before. Like the place we stayed over, you could here them yelling. And in the Haram, omg, they were everywhere. One of the women had pinched a girl, lol, so she came out nagging. And I'm just standing there laughing. My cousin and I didn’t even try getting close to the "Zarri", because we knew we couldn’t survive. lol! And one of my other cousins went there a few days after us and this is what happened to her:
As she was trying to get close to the "zarri" she was saying:" vay khoda daram khafe misham."
And a woman at her back answered her back like this:" zoodtar khafe sho ke rah baz she ma betoonim berim jelo."
Yup! That's what she said, and eventually my cousin fainted in the middle of the way because she got hit on the forehead.

Enough said.

Overall Mashad was fun, especially on the way back. We were the only Tehranies in the train. The rest were Turks walking around with pajamas. Our little crew: My cousins, sister, aunt, and moi, practically "putted the train on our heads". lol!

Ok enough for this post. I'll post the rest later on.

P.S. sorry if you find any mistakes in my writing. I didn't really spend time on it.

and there's a reason why I write so crappy. I'll be telling you about it after I'm done with my Iran posts.

Take action!

2005-09-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

I protest.
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...

2005-09-01T17:17:00.000-04:00

Well….!
You have all the rights to be angry at me, but I've got my own reasons too!!
I know I was supposed to post pictures and talk about Iran, but the truth is I hardly have the time. I really don't know how to start my post about Iran; I mean I don't know where to start!! And then there are the pictures. Well, they've been kind of uploaded in my dad's section of the comp., and I have no access to it. BUT I will hopefully this weekend…
There are other reasons such as:
1- It is my last year of school. I'm a senior now (YAY!!). And you know how they say you can't have something without working for it, it's the same way with being a senior. I have to study for my SATs( I hope they die!!) since it's the last chance I've got.
2- I changed my school so basically I'm there everyday to get the work done and prepare my schedule.
3- Ukh! Then I've got to learn how to drive! (You know how it is, especially when you don't know anything and I mean ANYTHING about cars and driving.)

Anyway, I PROMISE I would post the pictures and the report, don't know if you can call it a report but who cares?!
For the sake of updating, I'm just going to write the ending part of a goodbye letter, "khatere", that my smallest uncle, Dayee, wrote for me about 5 years ago when I was coming here. Whenever I read it, I start crying…

P.S. It's in Persian.

...

دائي جون اين خاطره را همينجوري تعريف نكردم، راستش داشتم به اين موضوع فكر ميكردم كه چطور سر صحبت را با تو باز كنم و با چه زبوني صحبت كنم كه تو هم بفهمي، ديدم بايد با زبون دل صحبت كرد.
دايی جون سعی کنيد برای همه يار و تسکين باشيد، سعی کنيد دور خودتون را کمی نورانی تر کنيد، سعی کنيد حضور هزار آزار، هزار خزنده بی اثر و هزار آدمی که خواب آلود از گذرگاه فصل ها ميگذرن را ببخشيد و همه را دوست داشته باشيد،زندگی را خوب ببينيدو خوب درک کنيد، خوب باشيد و با خوب بودنتون به همه تنه بزنيد تا ديگران احساس نکنن که تنها هستند. مهربون باشيد تا ديگران احساس نکنن که همه چيز بد کريه و زشت شده، در تنهايی ها و تاريکی های ديگران راه بريد و جلوشون را حتی به اندازه يک کبريت هم شده روشن کنيد. سعی کنيد اون شعله را در دل آدم ها بگذاريد تا اونها کمی گرمتر و نور گرفته تر راه برن، کاری کنيد که آدمها کمی کمتر از تنهايی و تاريکی بترسن و سعی کنيد هاله گرم حضور شما هميشه همدوش و هم پای ديگران باشه...
دائی جون گفتنی ها کم نيست ، من کم گفتم تو برای من غريبی و مهربون اين حرفها را توی نبودن من از زبون دايی غايبت بخون و بدون که سفر هميشه راز غريب اين زندگی بوده و هست و اگر ميخوای بدونی که تو دوری شما به کی سختر ميگذره به اين فکر کم که تو دوری شما من پير ميشم و شما از من جوون تر.
سفر ، سفر فرصتهاست ، از موقعيتهاي خوبي كه سر راهت قرار مي گيره خوب استفاده كن و در نهايت سعي كن براي پدر و مادر بهتر از برگ درختت، دختري باشي بهتر از گل.
به خدا مي سپارمت و شعر زير را هم به تو تقديم مي كنم

غم حقير هزاران ساله ای که برايم آرزو ميکرديد
به دستم رسيد
حالا من و تنهايی و غم نو رسيده ام
يقينا به پايان سفری بی آغاز رسيده ايم
حالا خوب ميدانم که سفر
سفر فرصتهاست
وگرنه من و تنهايی، هنوز در انتظار آرزوی شما می بوديم....
من هم غم حقيری برايتان آرزو ميکنم
تا دلتان بعد از سال ها صفای بارن و بيداری را لمس کند
تا آنقدر کودک شويد
که با دلتان دوست باشيد.

The End … : ((

P.S sorry I can't fix the post. Just try to read it as it is... :-S

Humans? Animals?!

2005-08-26T10:02:00.000-04:00

Read this and tell me what you think:

Human Exhibit

Later...

No title!

2005-08-23T12:59:00.000-04:00

Well, I don’t think I'll be able to write about my vacation till say Saturday. I have separated my room from my little sister's, so I'm kind of busy cleaning and decorating the new one. I also have to upload the pictures I took in Iran… so yeah I think it'll take a little time. For now think about this question that I found in a magazine a few days ago. It said:

Can anyone explain?
Why do coffee shops charge more for a large cup of tea? It's still one tea bag per order, so what costs extra? The water?

Later…

I'm back!

2005-08-18T09:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back. I don’t know if I should be happy about it or not?! But I know it'll take time. It was hard, like always. Even though I've been traveling around the world since I've been 6 years old, I haven't got used to saying goodbye without crying.
The night I said bye to my grandfather was the hardest. He is such a strong and strict character. In these 17, almost 18: D, years of my life I've never seen him cry or drop a tear. But that night he started crying. …
Never really understood why…
I hadn't even started to believe I was in Iran, that we left. Maybe because I hadn't gone there for a long time, three years. (P.S I've never been away from Iran more than a year. It was a first.)
Anyway in the airport only one thing was comforting, the prayers that my grandparents whispered in my ears (yes both of them!!). That was the most comforting part. The rest was just tears, bitter tears….

Oh god I forgot what I was going to say next….

Oh yea! (Light bulb): D

Enough said about my returning day. I'll be talking about my vacation more and maybe post some pictures. I couldn’t take pictures the way I wanted because my camera kind of fainted during the vacation.
And I'll be talking about ….

Enough said

Out…!

..where is everyone?..

2005-08-01T01:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I’m here. I have a lot of reasons to answer why it took me so long to update, and I’m positive no one really cares to hear them. It’s obvious from the empty comment box. Well I’ve been busy these past weeks visiting relatives and going to different cities. I’ve written down everything that has happened, I don’t know why though, and I’ll be writing them when I get back, which is in a couple of weeks. I’m not gonna say much since it seems I’ve lost my loyal readers, but anyway I’m just updating since I’m really bored.
I think I better go and help my grandma L.

Later…

Good bye till say two weeks?!

2005-07-01T13:36:00.000-04:00

Well, it was a weird and heartbreaking week. I really didn't feel like updating, but I did have stuff to write about. Anyway right now I'm updating because I won't be able to write again for about a week or two. And the best way, I've found out, for me to update is to write everything in a list so here it goes:

1- I'm leaving to Iran today.
2- I've entered a state of depression. (Don't ask why!)
3- Currently reading the Alchemist and loving it. (I'm almost done with it.)
4- I'll try to update as much as I can and post pics. (I won't promise though.)
5- Can't Wait.
6- I straightened my hair, and look like a puppy!lol
__________________
Just remembered something interesting:
I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday that my mom, sister, and I went for some last minute shopping. We went to Manhattan, and had to take the subway on the way back. It was really crowded and everyone was trying to find somewhere to sit. After a couple of stops an old couple entered the train. We all know that, when riding a crowded subway or bus and an old person comes in, we have to give our sits to him or her. Well the old couple came in and were waiting for at least one person to give up his or her sit so they could sit down. After noticing that no one's willing to give up his/her sit, they started to stare at people's eyes (the type of staring that would break your heart and make you give up your sit.) But no! Everyone was tired and didn’t want to give up his or her. The couple turned around disappointed, but still had hope. Finally after like 10, 15 minutes a black guy got up and gave his sit to the old woman, then after him this other young woman got up and gave her sit to the old man.
The interesting part for me was where the couple made that "mazloom" faces, and were hoping someone would give up their comfortable sits to them. It just shows how cruel the world has become.

__________________

bayad gerist
bayad gerye kard
ashk rikhto sookht
bayad gerist baraye ghafashayi ke az saye khasteand
bayad bood baraye shabhayi ke baran mibarad
ey ke be asemane gharibiam bedrood gofti
man bi to gharibtarin sharghie donyayam.
kojayi ey samimitarin royaye koodakaneam
kash panjarei bood
kash baz ham aseman abi bood
kash baran mibarid
ta az ghafase choobi barayat tarane mikhandam.

Wish me a safe trip.
Later…

...

2005-06-28T19:13:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday Mohammad's father left us. Mohammad jan, may God give you and your family patience, and may your father's soul rest in peace.

Tired,...

2005-06-16T18:23:00.000-04:00

I'm extremely tired today. I had my English Regents exam session one today. It wasn’t that bad but I kind of messed up the first essay even though I had all the information I needed. The second essay I think I did fine. The multiple questions were pretty easy. Tomorrow's the hard part though, we have another two essays to write this time we have to relate to literature pieces we've read.

Today right after I got out of the examination room I had to go help with the 12th graders graduation ceremony. First I said I'm not helping, but then they put me in a situation where it's like you'll do it or you'll die. This is one of the many problems of being a model student (I'm rude right?! well at least I'm not lying).
So I came out of the classroom exactly at 12:25, then I told the teacher who was in charge that I'll go get something to eat then I'll come back. I went out and ate then came back to school, and started to help. You just had to see the unorganized situation, like always. They were all looking for Hugo.
Well, I don’t want to tell the whole story. All I want to say is that today was the first time, and I hope the last time, I felt really bad for the teachers. Anyway, I left the school at around 3. And now I'm typing up these stuffs and I don't know why I am doing this.
One last thing and I'm out. Tomorrow's the first time I'm going to vote! I'm really excited and also nervous at the same time. This election and the winner are really important and crucial to the future of Iran. Well I just hope everything goes well. I also have a weird feeling I don’t know if you can call it pride or independency, because I'm going to be part of this decision… It's a good feeling, that's all I know.

All right I really need some rest tomorrow I have to stay after school too.

Later…

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...

kheili gharibi vase man, az che shabi joda shodi

az che zamooni khaketo looneye sayeha shodi

kodoom ghoroob neshooni dad, shab az kodoom jade biad

az asheghaye rahgozar neshoonie mano bekhah

vaghti ke harfe man nabood kodoom seda dar to neshast

kodoom setare par keshid too cheshmaye to notfe bast

gharibeii amma delam baraye to par mizane

baraye peida kardanet be har shabi sar mizane

ey gharibe khosh oomadi be jashne sadeye tanam

bia ke man be geryehat ye range taze mizanam

...

Are kashki yeki mioomad o be geryehaye ma ye range taze mizad na?! lololol

P.S sry about the song, I just felt like writing it. I don't feel like translating it but if you want to listen to it,it's by Shahryar and it's called "Gharibe".

Usual stuff

2005-06-11T11:06:00.000-04:00

6/10/2005:

Yup! I know I'm really LATE! Oh well the exams have started and will be finished at June 23 (hopefully). I've decided to go out every single day after the exams until the day I'm going to Iran. So who ever wants to join just call me up, lol. (I'm actually serious about this.)

Well I just came from my Piano class, played a little Bach and Maroofi. (finally feeling Bach's music!) and sang a little! Poor teacher she had to listen to my horrible voice.Let me tell you something, one thing that I CANNOT do is singing, lol.

Anyway before it gets late let me make some things clear!
The last post wasn't a serious post, I put it there for, maybe, a laugh and because I didn’t have anything to write about. But there's nothing going on, well at least not officially. The post was just what I had felt and thought when those stuffs happened.
Plus my parents aren't that narrow minded to let me marry that guy! I don't even like him! Anyway, just wanted to make it clear. Because it seemed you guys took it seriously.

6/11/05:

All I was thinking about last night was how I would finish up this post. I'm really busy with exams and the regents (there's 5 of them this year!!), and I really don't have time to update. So….. Ya!
Anyway, I've discovered few things about me:
1- I think too much and sometimes go crazy because of it.
2- I take things way to hard on myself. (Really should stop this.)
3- Care TOO much about people and stuff(s).
4- I'll be wasting my whole life if I don’t get rid of the things I mentioned above.
5- I think I should be getting the Noble prize not some "other people". (At least I discovered something and not covered it. I didn’t make sense did I?)
6- Ok this list is getting out of hand, I better go now finish up my painting and study worksheet for Vocabulary (Sister Tijan am I getting any extra points because of it?!loool).

Later…
P.S : sorry for any grammatical mistakes/ my writing sucks!

Just a story that needs to be proofread! REALLY!!

2005-05-28T13:31:00.000-04:00

I'm just gonna say what I have to say without going through any introductions. I hope this stays between us only and doesn't spread around!!
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How can a poor 17 girl take this? She's too young!!
Now here's the situation:
Location: Tehran
This is three years ago when she was only 14.She's at her aunt's house who has a boy only 4 months older than her, who would be her cousin.

Now the story:

Her aunt comes home from shopping and gives her a gold necklace and her little sister only a sandal! Then after talking about usual stuff, out of no where, the aunt says," If you want to become my daughter in-law, you should be a working wife not a house wife!!" NOW you tell me what the poor girl's suppose to do!! Poor her, she thought the necklace was actually a gift!! BUT NO!! Now she tries to let the matter go by just laughing at what her aunt just said.

Three years later:
(She's now 17)
Location: N.Y.

It's about a month or two that whenever she comes home her mom tells her that, "Yea, I talked to your aunt and she says she really misses U, and she can't wait to see you." And all the memories of three years ago comes and rushes through her mind, they are all renewed! The girl just laughs at what her mom says, and goes to her room. She's thinking, thinking about summer when she has to go back! She hopes what ever she's thinking about right down doesn't happen. Poor girl, she's too young!

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I know you probably didn't get a word I said! Sorry! I know my writing sucks!(got many grammatical issues).Oh well, it was a quick update and I didn’t have time to plan it out or proofread it.
And as for those who used to read my Persian blog, you should know that I never complete my stories. So….
Ya and…
I think I'll better go before I mess up!
Later…

signature

2005-05-22T22:50:00.000-04:00

I was thinking the whole weekend to write about something and update my blog but nothing special or appropriate came to my mind, UNTILL I found this interesting thing on an Iranian site and translated it. So sorry for being late!!

What does your signature mean?

Those who sign in clockwise direction are logical.
Those who sign in counterclockwise direction do not accept logic and are mostly illogical.
Those who use vertical lines are stubborn.
Those who use horizontal lines are very organized.
Those who sign with a lot of pressure have been through a lot in their childhood.
Those who have a twisted signature are doubters.
Those who use their first and last name in their signature think they are higher than anyone in their family.
Those who use only their last name have a lot of respect and esteem.
Those who write their names and put a line on it have not founded themselves yet.
Those who use circles and ellipses are people who like to achieve a high point.

Which one are you???

P.S. sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes this was a last minute thing, so….
I'm still trying to figure out which one I am! :D

Just another day

2005-05-14T23:08:00.000-04:00

I think my 18th birthday wish would be this: I wish people would be more "human" than just people. I don't know if you get me, but this really bothers me. I also wish people would understand more, and put themselves in the other person's shoe before they do something. I'm not talking about a specific person. This has been the case for almost every person I've met except maybe a few "humans". BUT today something happened, and I truly enjoyed it. The reply I got meant the whole world to me. I don't want to discuss it further though. I just want to keep it to myself.

Anyway today was our Persian Language Club's (P.L.C) first trip. It was a fun and successful trip. I enjoyed it very much. Played "vasati", I don't know the English term for that, and tennis. I played tennis with like 10 different people, but only the last person whom I played with, a little boy maybe 10, played really and I mean "really" good. But unfortunately we had to leave right after it. On the way back to school was fun too. We played this silent game, which I think only Iranians know about, and laughed at the people who "broke the silence". Over all it was a fun time, hoped those who attended enjoyed it.
I'm really tired, my legs hurt, haven't prayed yet(bad girl)so I better go….
Later…

The Old Man

2005-05-08T10:03:00.000-04:00

As I was finishing my dinner and looking out the window, my eyes caught the sight of and old man walking around the restaurant.He seemed to be in his 60s.As he was moving his aged body around and smoking his cigar,I zoomed into the wrinkled face of his.I noticed the sad looks of the eyes,they were trying to cry out the burdensome life they had seen,or at least I thought they were. He seemed to be deeply in thought of something.He looked like he had seen a lot of hardship,you could read it from the lines,wrinkles,of his face.

Yeah now I CANNOT continue my story!UH I knew I should have typed it last night when it was fresh,but it's ok.I think you almost got the picture and the messsege.Anyway after it I wished I had a camera in hand and got a picture of him and maybe asked some questions.But thank god I didn't because then my parents would think that there's really something wrong with me.(lol long story!)

later....

Enlightening Thoughts of a Tobacco Smoker

2005-04-20T20:12:00.000-04:00

Hey strangers, this is the first time I'm blogging ,in english,I used to be and still am a persian blogger. O well let's go on, I'm sure no one's interested in my biography. Here's a lyric from one of Bach's musics called Aria, there are two Arias this one's called "Enlightening Thoughts of a Tobacco Smoker" or "Erbauliche Gedanken Eines Tabakrachers", I am playing this song on Piano and trying to finish it as soon as possible. My piano teacher's mad at me since I'm taking my precious time to finish this songn lol. Anyway enough of me back to the tobacco smoker. Hope you enjoy it, it's a beautifull lyric.

Enlightening Thoughts of a Tobacco Smoker

Whenever I pick up my tobacco-pipe,
Stuffed with good tobacco
For pleasure and pastime,
It gives me a sad impression-
And leads to the conclusion
That I resemble it in many ways.

The pipe was made from clay and earth
And so was I.
One day I will be earth again-
It often falls from the hand
And breaks before you know,
My destiny is the same.

The pipe is usually not colored;
It remains white. So therefore,
One day when I am dying
My body will turn pale.
Once buried it becomes black, just like
A pipe that has been used for a long time.

When the pipe is lit,
One sees the smoke disappear instantly
In the free air,
Leaving nothing but ashes behind.
The glory of all mankind is consumed
And the body turns to dust.

So often it happens while smoking,
That the stuffer is not handy,
And instead the finger is used.
Then I wonder when I burn myself,
If the ashes make such pain
How hot will it be in Hades?

Since such is the case,
From my tobacco I can always
Erect enlightening thoughts.
Therefore, in comfort I smoke
On land, at sea and at home
My little pipe, with devotion.

...

2005-04-19T17:19:00.000-04:00

Just giving it a try....